I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
