i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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