Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
