She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
