Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
