She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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