when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
