Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
