If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
