She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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