Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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