I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
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new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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