She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
