HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
