dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
