I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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