i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
