I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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