I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
