so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
