I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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