I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
