hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize