Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's blow job season.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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