my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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