Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
