when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
