I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Your tits are I can't wait for
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
