I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
