I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
