I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
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At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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