2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My balls are so social today.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
