dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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