You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
