FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
