I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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