When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
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Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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