If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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