after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
