Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
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if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
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Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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