I skipped work to stalk him.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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