I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken