Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
