So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
sarcasm needs its own font
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.