Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub