I CAN MOONWALK!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?