Where are you?
In a non slutty way
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
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She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
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At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick