Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.