Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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