Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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