And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
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Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
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the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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