You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
