I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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