this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
