I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
