ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
