the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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