I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
