you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
