she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
