He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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