Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
