i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
