when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Come share oat with me in your robe
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
