I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
