Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
