On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
