Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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