Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
well you can't waste a boner
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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