just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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