My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm too high and old for this...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
