id be glad to
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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