wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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