told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
