so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
