I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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