i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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