I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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