What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
