i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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