hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
