he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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