i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
